a place to rant

Sports PTSD

2011-09-05T21:17:00.000-07:00

My friend Dan is from Minnesota and is a big fan of the Minnesota teams, especially the Twins in baseball and the Vikings in football (He may be a huge fan of the Wild and the Bucks, but I don't know for sure). He now lives in the Dallas area so he is well versed on the local teams I root for (the Rangers, Cowboys, and Mavericks). He called me the other day to ask if I had heard about Drew Pearson going into the Cowboys Ring of Honor. He asked if Drew Pearson pushed off on Jerry Jones to be able to get into the Ring of Honor after all these years, an obvious reference to the spurious claims of Viking fans that Drew Pearson pushed off on cornerback Nate Wright, which would have been offensive pass interference, in catching the legendary Hail Mary from Roger Staubach in the 1975 NFC Divisional playoff game. What Vikings' fans don't understand is that it doesn't matter if Pearson pushed off or not because pass interference was not called therefore he didn't commit it. Wait. This post is being written to argue with Dan because he knows I'm right.

What's obvious about Dan and Vikings fan everywhere is that they suffer from Sports Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Sports PTSD. Sports PTSD is the inability to get over sports misfortune or defeat even after many years. In real life PTSD, people suffer or witness a severe traumatic event (car accident, natural disaster, abuse, etc) and suffer physiologic symptoms when triggered even if the trauma has passed and they are no longer in any true danger. It generally treated with therapy and medication to deal with some of the symptoms (such as sleep disorder). In fact, in my work, I deal with kids who are struggling with symptoms of PTSD and use cognitive behavioral therapy that focuses on the trauma and the related symptoms. (BTW, in talking about Sports PTSD, I am in no way demeaning PTSD. It is a serious psychological problem that affects many people.)

Sports PTSD occurs when events turns against your favorite team and great disappointment ensues. For true PTSD that disappointment should take place in a big game, normally a playoff game or series. The question is can Sports PTSD be treated? I believe it can.

I think everyone knows what are their own areas of Sports PTSD. For fans of Kentucky basketball, one name: Christian Laettner. For Buffalo Sabres fans, three words: in the crease. For Red Sox fans, two names: Bucky Dent and Aaron Boone. Must I go on?

For me, two of the most serious ones I've faced have been exorcized within the last year. As a Rangers fan for my whole life, I've lived with years of mediocrity or worse. Until 2010, the "glory years" were the late 90s with three division titles in four years (96, 98, and 99). However, each year they were rudely swept out of the playoff by the juggernaut Yankee teams which went on the win the World Series each of those years. After that, the Yankees were the bogyman.
I went to a game in 2000 and had seats 7 rows behind home plate. The Rangers tied the game in the bottom of the tenth of Mariano Rivera, but gave up a lead run in top of the eleventh. The bottom of that inning, the Rangers loaded the bases with no outs and the ballpark is going crazy. Luis Alicea is up and hit the ball about a foot in front of the plate and the catcher touched home plate and tagged Alicea out (he thought it was foul). The next batter (the immortal Scott Sheldon) grounded out. Complete deflation.
One of the greatest heroes of the 2000 season was journeyman pitcher Brian Sikorski who shut out the Yankees over 7 innings in his major league debut. He appeared in nine other games that year (starting four) and ended up with an ERA of almost six. I went to Rangers spring training the next year and everyone wanted Brian Sikorski's autograph because he had stuck it to the Yankees. Of course, beating the Yankees in ALCS in 2010 has removed most of the sting of those years.

The other major one that has been healed is the Mavericks choke against the Miami Heat in the 2006 NBA finals. This year, with no one believing in them, least of all their fans, the Mavs stuck it to the Heat. Again, demons exorcised.

Another big Sports PTSD moment for me came in a series the team I was cheering for actually won the series- the 2005 NLCS between the Astros and Cardinals. The Astros led 3-1 and were ahead 4-2 in the top of the ninth and there were two outs as Brad Lidge had struck out the first two batters. Then, a single and a walk and then Albert Pujols hit a ball the landed about three weeks later. My heart is racing just thinking about it. The Astros won that series as Roy Oswalt pitched 7 strong innings and Brad Lidge didn't pitch, but the stage was set for getting swept in the World Series in which Lidge gave up the winning runs in games 2 and 4 including a home run to Scott Podsednick, who had hit none all year. The real killer though, for me, was the Pujols home run. I was able to watch that game and I was so excited and then completely deflated. I wasn't able to watch Oswalt's masterpiece in game 6, so I missed that opportunity for healing.

Perhaps Sports PTSD can never be healed. You'd think after last year, I'd have a little confidence in the Rangers. But instead, when they fall behind, I often still get the depressed feeling that causes me to think they will NEVER WIN A GAME EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!! Of course being a fan of the Rangers is like have a friend or family member with Bipolar Disorder. They go on these crazy hot streaks and destroy everyone in their path and then they look like minor league team flaying at sliders and kicking the ball all over the field.

So what are your moments of Sports PTSD? What gets your heart racing or mind running whenever you see a replay or hear someone mention it?

Comment on my comment?

2011-08-15T21:43:00.000-07:00

One of the blogs I read just about everyday is Jesus Creed, a blog by theology professor and author Scot McKnight. He links to interesting articles usually related to Christianity, the church, and culture. I usually read the comments, but I don't often comment myself because who really wants to read my thoughts, anyway. I don't have a tremendous amount to add anyway. Tonight was a different story. The story didn't really do much for me, the comments got me going a little bit and I tried to post an opinion and try to mix in some snark. I love some good snark. The link is about Christian music and marketing, but it goes deeper than simply "what's the deal with Christian music?" It's about marketing and authenticity. Granted, Christian music in general comes up woefully short IMHO, but again, not the real point here.

http://www.patheos.com/community/jesuscreed/2011/08/15/ccm-and-christian-marketing/

I won't repost the whole excerpt, but I will repost my comment. I'm curious to hear others thoughts. Am I missing the point?

I hate it when Scot posts something about Christian music because everyone piles on with the whole, “I hate Christian music. I want something with real spiritual depth.” It’s like a big group of hipsters who say “Meh” to everything. “Christian music sucks, except for what I listen to.”

I’m not defending Christian music here. I tend to agree with alot of what has been said. (Though if you want to catch some good Christian music, check out radarradio.net. See, I’m do it too.[sic])

But the point of this excerpt isn’t that Christian music is terrible. It’s that too often 21st century Christianity has tried so hard to be relevant that there is no difference between the church and the world. And if there’s no difference, then what’s the use? The church has bought the consumerism garbage and is paying the price (no pun intended). The slick packages and the cool presentations just make it all look fake. As we all know, the worst thing in the world is to be fake.

Comment by Russell — August 15, 2011 @ 11:42 pm

I hate Craigslist

2011-07-05T18:40:00.000-07:00

For many years we have loved Craigslist. While living in New York we: found two of our apartments, Jeanette's job, a couch, and more. We also got rid of most of our furniture that we didn't want to keep before we moved to Tennessee. We almost bought a van to bring our stuff to Nashville (before we wised up and realized that was a stupid idea). Now in Nashville, Craigslist has had some good things. We have found great garage sales. We bought a Joovy stroller and some other small things. But my recent experience has driven me to hate Craigslist.

I recently posted an ad to sell 8 different cans of baby formula which we won't be using. There are 4 of one brand(I'll call SA) and a single can of 4 other brands. Each one would cost around $15 in a store, but I was asking for $40 for the set(for those who struggle with math that $5 a can). I also listed the size of the can and the expiration date. I thought that was pretty straight forward and easy.

The inquiries started early with a question from SS as to whether I would just sell the four SAs. I replied that I would take $20 for the four. Then RC wrote and asked the same thing. I held off replying to RC waiting to hear from SS. No response by the next day so I sent the same message to RC (4 cans for $20). No response from RC either. Four others wrote with similar questions about breaking up the set. To each one I replied that would take $5 for a single can. No responses from any. I wonder why that is. Do they have trouble with the math that $40 divided by 8 is $5? Are they surprised that I want some money for the cans and I don't want to just give them away to some idiot I have never met? Are they cruising Craigslist for just any free can of formula they can track down? Did they realize they don't really even have a baby and have no need whatsoever for formula? The world may never know.

This morning things got ridiculous with two different people asking for two different individual cans. AS e-mailed and gave a number to text with information. Here is the exact text conversation:
ME: Regarding Craigslist formula, I will take $5 for (formula). Can you come this evening? Russell
AS: How many oz? (As you will recall I posted this on the ad.)
AS: And is it sealed?
ME: It is sealed and unopened. The size of the can is on the listing and I don't have it in front of me. I know its around 12 oz. (Do you think she thought I was being sarcastic? Besides who would sell an open can of formula?)
AS: Ok um have to talk to my husband and wat time n where I will let u kno for sure asap
ME: Ok, call me if you decide you want it and I'll give you our address. (I wrote our general location.)
AS: Ok we live close thanx
time passes
AS: Ok wat time is good
ME: I'll be home around 6. My address is (I write my address). (I always use proper capitalization and punctuation when I text. At least I try to.)
ME: I'm home. Let me know if you need directions.
AS: Well I won't b comin today sorry ill let u kno if or when thanks

Needless to say, I'm not holding my breath to hear from her.

I also received an e-mail from FC about a different can. I replied that I would take $5 for it (notice a trend?). She asked if I would take $3 for it. I should have told them to jump off a cliff, but I'm ready to get rid of these cans so I said yes. Shockingly enough, FC's husband came and got the can. He paid the $3 (though I saw the inside of his wallet and he definitely could have paid $5). I honestly wasn't trying to sneak a peak at the inside of his wallet, but he just about held it open for me to see inside. It really isn't a huge deal that I only got $3. I mean its two measly dollars, but really, it's a brand new can of formula. Did they feel like they won a prize for getting it for two dollars cheaper? Is that two dollars the difference between dinner tonight and going hungry? Are they using that two dollars to start their baby's college savings account that will hopefully mature one day to pay for him to slack off and cut classes? Are they putting that two dollars into the lottery to hope to get their dream house? Again, I don't know, but don't think I could care less.

So there is my experience. Craigslist in Nashville is stupid and waste of time. But if you want 7 cans of formula for $35, let me know.

Mmmm, Yummy Crow

2011-06-16T20:34:00.000-07:00

I guess after being nigh on suicidal after game 1 and incredulous after game 2, I should write about the Mavericks unbelievable championship. It shocked the basketball world. In fact, I think it shocked the Mavs. It seemed at the end of the game that as time was ticking down they just looked at each other as if they were saying, did that just happen? Am I dreaming? The Heat were stunned, too. After one of the Heat's final baskets, when they had to foul to try to prolong the game, they let Jason Terry dribble around like it was a shoot around. They seemed to mail the last 5 minutes of the game in, which was a common theme in the finals.

I listened to a podcast of Miami sports writer Dan Lebatard with Bill Simmons recapping the finals. I didn't count, but he probably said 10 times that the Heat were close to winning all the games and if Lebron James had played to his averages then they would have won. I obviously can't dispute any of that, but the question has to be asked why did those things happen? Why did Lebron struggle so much in the series and the fourth quarters in particular? Why did the Mavs own the last few minutes of the games they won? How were they able to take apart the Heat defense late in games? These are legitimate questions because that is what happened on a consistent basis throughout the series.

After the historic comeback in game 2, the assumption (at least on my part) was that the Mavs it was a blip on the radar. They made a few shots and surprised the Heat, but it wouldn't happen again and game 3 seemed to prove that out. But in game 4, Mavs outscored the Heat by 7 in the 4th and won by 3. In game 5, the Heat were up again by 4 with four mins to go, but lost by 9! In game 6, the Mavs led most of the game, but after the Heat got to within four early in the fourth, the Mavs answered quickly and the Heat never got closer than seven after that.

The thing is in just about every playoff game or series, one can always point to a couple of plays here and there that won or lost the game. Rare is the game, especially late in the playoffs when a team gets so outclassed that they can't play the "what if" game. What if that borderline call went our way? What if the shot had fallen in instead of out (or vice versa)? What if that guy didn't get hurt? In the 2006 Finals, Mavs fan were asking what if the Mavericks had been able to pull out game 3 when they had a big lead and looked poised to go up 3-0? What if the refs hadn't given game 5 to the Heat? Here in 2011, what happened in the fourth quarters goes beyond what if. If it happens once, ok, those things happen. Four times? Whatever happened (and I'm still not quite sure how it happened) was real. The Mavs, shockingly enough, were better than the Heat. The Heat clearly had the talent advantage, but this is a case where the Mavericks' whole was great than the sum of it's parts.

For me, I didn't truly believe until the end. I expected them to collapse or the refs to make sure there was a game 7. At last, the Mavs were stronger than whatever forces were arrayed against them. It was a ton of fun.

How In the World DId That Just Happen????

2011-06-02T20:53:00.001-07:00

I just watched that last two quarters of the Mavs game. I pretty much gave up after Wade hit a three to up by 15 with 7 mins to go in the game. I threw the remote on the chair and turned on the Astros game while tried to calm down before bed and finish a few things. I would casually look up and check the score. They'd be within 9, then 4. I wanted to get up and watch, but I was afraid to get up from the Astro game because it's clear that I'm horrible luck for the Mavs. I did get up and watch the end as Dirk hit a three (TAKE DAT WIT CHEW!!!!) and then (after the Heat made a 3 to tie) and Dirk hit a driving layup. Then after a missed shot (did you see Wade try to sell a foul by falling to the ground like he'd been shot?) the Mavs had won to make it 1-1.
I couldn't be more shocked and I have no idea how it happened. Will it continue? No idea. Will the Mavs win the series? Still don't think so. But to quote a wise man, "I've seen alot of stuff in my life, but that...was...awesome."

The Worst Sports Week Of My Life

2011-05-31T21:07:00.001-07:00

The NBA finals. I could not possibly be less excited about it. Of all the teams to face, it had to be the Heat. Unbelievable. This sucks.

The problem is I'm experiencing flash backs of the worst sports week of my life- the 2006 NBA finals. I've been trying to think of worse sports weeks. I'm sure there have been days that have been worse: just about every Cowboys experience since 1996, watching Jo Jo Jones run around Hardin Simmons my senior year, and various and a sundry Rangers ridiculousness over the years.

What this feels like is Yankees/ Rangers in the late 90s. We know what's going to happen and there is nothing anyone can do about it. You know it and I know it.

Oh, how I wish I was wrong. I wish Dirk had someone who we could trust next to him. This is Dirk and the 2003 All Star Team. I'd love to see what Caron Butler would do for this team.

Of all the teams to play...

They may win one or two, but I doubt it. My prediction (made after game 1) is Heat 4-1. Prove me wrong, Mavs. Please, prove me wrong.

For Jeanette, Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T19:51:00.000-08:00

I will walk with you
Every step of the way
Love you all my life
Love you everyday
No matter where you wander
No matter what you do
Come what may I will walk with you

I will walk with you
And treasure every smile
No matter what the fashion
You'll always be my style
My pretty little princess
An angel dressed in blue
Come what may I will walk with you

I will walk with you
Even when the sun don't shine
The rain it may come down
And Fate may be unkind
If you get a scrape
I'll brush away the tears
Come what may I will walk with you

I will walk with you
Together we will share
Jelly beans and pink ice-cream
A Christmas teddy bear
And one day I am for certain a
Brand new puppy too
Come what may I will walk with you

I will walk with you
And love you for all time
Travel this ol' world
Your little hand in mine
I'll never be far from you
This I promise you
Come what may I will walk with you
Come what may I will walk with you

7 Hour Commute

2011-02-10T06:23:00.001-08:00

Jeanette wanted to type this up so we wouldn't forget the details later. More details for anyone who might be interested another day.

Red pickup truck not great in icy conditions.

4:00 Left work in Bellevue.

4:10 Fishtailed on I-40, missed several cars and ended up in the grass right before a ditch; coworker Ryan stopped to wait for tow truck.

5:10 Towed out.

5:30 Got to I-440.

7:00 Got to Harding Place exit ramp to Harding Place (ranted to Jeanette about lack of traffic info on the radio).

9:00 Bathroom break at Mapco on Trousdale, got candy bar and Coke; Tried to go Blackman, but blocked by two stalled cars and scary hills, moved back over to Harding Place.

9:45 Turned down Shadecrest to go back to Blackman, decided to continue up Whispering Hills. Everything fine until a lady in a big SUV was stopped in the middle of the road up a hill on Whispering Hills. Ended up in a precarious spot.

10:30 Stuck on Whispering Hills, drunk guys in truck tried to push me up the hill. Didn't work, so I reversed down the hill and headed to the Ryals' house.

10:45 Parked at Ryals' house, ate scrambled eggs and toast, listened to in-laws' pleas for me to stay the night but wanted to go home to see Jeanette.

11:00 Left to walk the last mile home. Man in big truck picked me up and drove me all the way to my door.

11:30 Home, finally.

What would be different?

2011-01-30T19:26:00.000-08:00

Today in Sunday school, we discussed Jesus on the road to Emmaus focusing on Jesus' question to Cleopas and his companion (who I think is his wife), "What are you discussing together as you walk along?" Other translations call it "disputing" so they were evidently pretty fired up in their discussion. It's pretty clear they were talking about what had happened with Jesus- his crucifixion and the implications of his reported resurrection. I would imagine that one or both of them was skeptical that it really happened since it was women who were claiming that he was alive and the people in that time didn't put must stock in the words of a woman. After Jesus shows up, whom they can't recognize, they get what would be the greatest Bible study ever- Jesus connecting himself with the Old Testament, probably focusing on the sacrificial system and the prophecies. Then, just as they recognize him, he vanishes removing all their doubt of his resurrection. They immediately return to Jerusalem and find the disciples and fill them in. I bet it was the quickest trip between Jerusalem and Emmaus they had ever made.

One of the application questions that was asked by the teacher was what would be different in our lives if Jesus simply been another martyr rather than having resurrected from the dead. Members of the class gave what you might call "Sunday school answers" about living in fear or having to continue sacrifices. I can respect Sunday school answers because they are often at least mostly true. But it got me to thinking how much would things really change in our churches if Jesus hadn't truly been raised? I have a suspicion that most of the things that go on in church can go on just fine without a resurrected Jesus. I mean do we really need Jesus for us to be able to realize our best life now? How about 10 steps to a better you? Or even (treading wearily) how to have a better marriage or fix your finances (for a much better and more intense discussion of this go here and then here- or don't because it's a little uncomfortable).

One of things I love about my church is that the gospel is front and center every Sunday- music, scripture, sermons, Bible study, etc. We just completed 15 days of concentrated prayer with a focus on "gospel renewal" based on Psalm 80:3, "Restore us O God; make your face shine upon us, that we may be saved." What is gospel renewal? To me, it means that the Jesus, the cross, our sin, his grace must always be at the forefront of what the church is all about. Take those things away and the church is nothing more another self help or social club.

The One Whom God Hears

2011-01-16T18:27:00.000-08:00

Today at church, the sermon and the Bible study corresponded in a way that I found interesting. As we continued in Luke, we read Luke 7:1-10 about the centurion who requested Jesus come heal his servant. One of the points was 'What kind of people find the Savior?' and the answer was one who shows humility, submission, and trust. In fact, the passage notes that Jesus "was amazed" at the centurion's faith, which I think is interesting. How much faith does it take to amaze Jesus? He said that as much faith as a mustard seed could move mountains, and apparently the centurion had enough faith to save his servant.

In the Bible study, in which we study the questions that Jesus asked, we focused on the time in the Garden of Gethsemane when Jesus prayed and the disciples slept (Matthew 26, Mark 14, and Luke 22). I always find stories of Jesus praying fascinating because it seems to blur the line between his humanity and his divinity. I'm not breaking any news when I say the God-Man aspect of Jesus is hard to get my head around. We believe that he is completely God and completely man ("God in the bod" as Dawson McAllister used to say), but was there a place where one ended and the other began? Also, how does Jesus experiences really relate to me? I mean, he was God so did he struggle as I do- to pray or live a godly life? Hebrews says that he was tempted as any person is and yet was without sin. So, if nothing else, Jesus can play a huge role as a model for us. In these passages, Jesus is the perfect illustration for prayer and an extension what we can learn from the centurion. He showed humility in that he fell on his face before the Father. He showed submission in his statement that he would follow his Father's will. He showed trust in the Father by acknowledging that all things were possible with him.

The main difference between the experiences of the two men (the centurion and Jesus) is that one received the answer he hoped for while the other seemingly did not. However, look at Jesus once he gets up from that prayer. The seeming conflict that he experiences in the garden is suddenly gone. He doesn't back down and is the picture of grace and power, guarding his disciples and never flinching in the face of demonic attach. Is is too crazy to say that Jesus was strengthened and empowered by the time in prayer he had in the Garden? As is always said when discussing Jesus' experiences in prayer, if he needed his time with with Father to approach the cross, how much more do we need to seek his face in our time of need.

The Shootings in Tuscon and Blame

2011-01-10T16:31:00.000-08:00

It didn't take long after the shooting had stopped in Tuscon for the blame to start flowing. I made the mistake of reading the comments of the stories about the shooting on CNN and NPR and a couple of blogs. The hate and the vitriol flowed from both sides. For some, it was obvious that Sarah Palin was to blame and we need lots more gun control. For others, the crazy liberals were going to use this to crack down on free speech and take all the guns away. It didn't really change a couple of days later, as today, when I was listening to the radio, the focus was on who was to blame for all this. Even when information about the shooter came out and it appears that he may have paranoid delusions and schizophrenia, most of the blame has been laid at negative political rhetoric, with special mention of Sarah Palin's use cross hairs on a map of Democratic districts to target for the recent election. It is unconscionable, but hardly surprising that one would use this tragedy to score political points.

But that is what our political dialogue has been devolved into- anything to make the other side look bad. That is why we can't have a decent conversation about how to solve the problems of this country. You can't have a discussion with someone if they think you're Hitler or an anti-American radical. Until both sides stop the extreme rhetoric, we may not have more shootings (the US is actually relatively peaceful compared to so many other countries), but we will probably continue to have gridlock and further division.

As we've learned more about the shooter, it seems pretty clear that he was not driven by Sarah Palin or any other right winger. Nor does he seem to be a particular fan of the democrats, either. Contrary to some people's statements, mental illness is not exclusive to any political persuasion. However, I think this is time to look closely at how we do political dialogue in this country. Let me illustrate: if I go to a funeral for a person killed because of reckless driving. It would cause me to think about how I'm driving. Does that thinking mean that I caused to accident to begin with? Of course not. I would think about it because I realize that doing something stupid could have consequences down the line if I'm not careful.

This is an opportunity for everyone to stop and look at themselves and ask how we contribute to the problem. By problem, I'm not necessarily referring to shootings, but the hate filled rhetoric. For example, Sarah Palin should apologize for having cross hairs on individual districts (enough with saying it was surveyors mark. We aren't that stupid). Whoever on Huffington Post said that Giffords was "dead to me" for voting against Nancy Pelosi should apologize. I don't think apologizing would acknowledging blame, but rather signaling a change in how things would be done in the future. Whenever someone uses that kind of language, they should be pointed out and criticized vocally by both sides. Few Republicans have the courage to criticize Sarah Palin even if they disagreed with her and most of the people on Huffington Post probably agreed with the one who said she was dead to him. Unfortunately, I'm not optimistic for any kind of change.

Birthday Thoughts

2010-12-27T19:51:00.000-08:00

Today, I turned 37 years old (not 45 as reported by my oldest daughter). As with most people, a birthday becomes a time to consider and think about the past and the future. As Wes King once said, some things I've done better, some things it's hard to say.
But considering the future, I'm struck by the frailty of it all. A couple of weeks ago, a friend with a serious health condition announced that he and his wife were pregnant. I asked how he felt about it in light of his health issues and he said that they didn't know what was going to happen in four years so they knew they wanted another child so they decided to go ahead. His comment reminded me of what Andy Dufresne said in The Shawshank Redemption, "Get busy living or get busy dying."
The thing is none of us know what the future holds. Just thinking about what is different from December 27, 2009 to today boggles the mind. I changed jobs within Catholic Charities (from Adoption Support and Preservation to Flood Relief), started and completed my practicum experience), had a baby, and started leading our community group. I could list off a number of other things- relationships formed, Rangers in the World Series, crazy weather (a flood and a white Christmas), a new clutch in my truck, and so on. Imagine what will happen next year.

Isaiah 40:7-8 "The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever.”

My Big, Crazy Goal

2009-05-11T09:47:00.001-07:00

I've always hated running. Even when I wasn't 2 hundred something (something). Unless running had something to do with a game, like basketball, football, baseball/ softball, but even then it usually short bursts. I went through a time in college when tried to do some running, but it didn't last too long. Another thing I hate is getting up early in the morning. My normal days are sleep as long as I possibly can even to the point of missing the things or having to rush through getting ready.

But I have a desire to do two these two things to reach a big crazy goal. I want to run in the half marathon next year at the Music City Marathon. That's right. I want to run 13 miles. I'll probably walk some, but I really want to run it. Here's how crazy of a goal that is. I've never run a full 5k. I've walked and jogged one and I've walked jogged the 5 Mile Boulevard Bolt two Thanksgivings ago, but I've never just ran a 5k.

Here is the method that I want to accomplish this goal. On the website, Cool Running, they have a thing called Couch to 5K. I'm not quite on the coach, but I'm pretty close. Close enough to start from the beginning and see how it goes. After I get to a full 5k, I'll see what the next step is. Right now I'm getting up at 5:45am and running outside, hopefully before Erica awakes, 3 times a week. What I need to work on right now it staying up with walking and other exercise on those other days. Because another part of this goal is losing weight. As I said earlier, I weigh two hundred something (something) and need to loose some weight. I've noticed as I've gotten started the last couple of weeks that my knees are sore and my ankles are sore. Pounding two hundred something (something) isn't good for it. Plus, I want to avoid the health problems that go along with being a big ole' boy.

But so far so good. I missed one day last week because of lack of sleep and then on the makeup day there was a big thunderstorm. But I got back into it today. I'll try to keep my reader(s) up to date on my progress.

I am the Brett Farve of Softball

2009-04-18T20:09:00.001-07:00

The past three years since we moved to Nashville, I have played softball with FHBC. I've really enjoyed it, though my days of playing well, if they ever really existed at all, are long gone. At the end of last year's season, I contemplated retirement in a post appropriately entitled "Retirement."

Even as we entered this year and spring rolled around, I knew softball was coming, but I was thinking that I wouldn't play this year. I'm not going to that church now and my knee has been hurting for several months. Nothing serious, but whenever I put pressure on the right knee, it really hurts. Sore knees can really hurt a catcher, which is still the only position I can play with any kind of mastery. If I can't squat, what is the use?

The wife of one of the guys who played with me works at CC and asked me if I was going to play. I told her that I probably wouldn't. Another friend asked me, but when I asked the rec guy if I could play, he said that he didn't even think there would room for me. So my decision was made, right? Well, not exactly. The rec guy e-mailed me a couple of weeks later telling me there was an opening. All I needed to do was let him know. So.... decision time was at hand. Do I play or retire?

I PLAY!!!!!! This past Tuesday I made my triumphant return to the Williamson Co softball fields. And by triumphant I mean 3-5 with 3 singles in two games. I think I scored a couple of runs, but I can't remember because I usually come out for a pinch runner after getting on base. Our team wasn't very triumphant as we lost both games and gave up somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 runs in the second game. It wasn't pretty. I contributed with a fielder's interference that allowed one of those runs to score. No, I didn't squat, but that's ok. My body hurt afterward and I shudder to think how it would have felt if I had gotten down in the squat for two games. But I played all of both games and had a really good time.

It's possible that it may be my last game since family and work issues may get in the way. I'll be like those athletes and coaches that retire to spend time with their families. Maybe I'll have a press conference.

A Review of Slumdog Millionaire

2009-03-08T20:23:00.000-07:00

Jeanette and I watched Slumdog Millionaire. It was her idea to see it and that is a big deal as you probably know. She doesn't like movies because she tends to get bored. I remember going with our friends in New York to see a movie and in the middle of it Jeanette breaks out her palm pilot and starts playing solitaire. But after our time in New York, Jeanette became interested in Indian culture and people so she wanted to go see Slumdog Millionaire. I wanted to see it too, but it wasn't that big of a deal. However, I would strongly recommend anyone going to see it, but it's best to see it in the movie theater. But I'll get to that in a minute.

I love a good story, and this story is really good despite some plot twists that I could see coming. It is a true feel good story about love and maintaining humanity in the face of complex and pervasive inhumanity- extreme poverty, crime, and survival of the fittest. It's the story of two orphaned brothers and a little girl who grow up in circumstances that I cannot rationally explain or really even understand so I'll just say "difficult" and leave it at that. In fact, what was so beautiful about the movie was how it showed that poverty in a way that, while it didn't sugar coat it, brought out the beauty and humanity of the people living in the Mumbai slums, with bright colors that are stunning on the big screen. "Love conquers all" can be a overused cliche in the movies, but Slumdog Millionaire says this apologetically, all the way to Bollywood dance during the credits.

This isn't a Christian movie by any means. The main characters are Muslims and Hindus, in fact, the interplay between these two religions is an important aspect of the movie. However, this movie is all about love and redemption. I think Jamal is the Christ figure here as he literally kisses the scars of his love for whom he has pursued and searched for most of his life. The story of Jesus and the church can surely be told here.

Plan B (or C or D, etc)

2009-02-25T20:10:00.000-08:00

I just discovered an NPR show that I think I'm going to really like. It's called This American Life. They take a theme and contributors tell stories that relate somehow or another to the topic. The host, Ira Glass usually talks really fast then has long pauses in between sentences. It's a little disconcerting at times. I subscribed to the podcast and I'm happy it's just a once a week podcast because I'd fall behind really fast if it wasn't.

The topic this week was called Plan B, about what ends up happening when our first plan doesn't work out the way it's supposed to. There were a couple of interesting stories, especially the one about the wannabe actor who ends up a professional partier and the guy who discovers to his dismay what he's best at is being a telemarketer.

Inevitably, I guess, this got me thinking about my own life. I can't say I'm on plan B, but rather at least plan C, probably further along than that. Throughout high school, college, the interim time between HSU and Kstan, Kstan, the interim time between Kstan and seminary, New York, and even the first part of my time in Tennessee the ministry was what I wanted to do and some where along the way, it was all about being overseas. However since I got from Kstan, especially, I kept getting sidetracked by like. I've enjoyed most (I stress most) of what I've been involved in, All Church Home, teaching, New York, C C, but am I satisfied with where I am? And if I'm not, what exactly do I need to do?

One of my greatest faults is constantly regretting the past. Did I chose the right major? Was I right to transfer to Lewisville HS my sophomore year? Why didn't keep up my Spanish? Was HSU the right call for me? Why didn't I extend my time in Kstan after my two years were up? I could go on and on. It's stupid, I know, but I often wonder what might have been. How does this match up with God's will? I can't believe, oh, God really wanted me do this specific thing and since I didn't do it exactly right, then I'm so far off track that I would need a souped up DeLorean to get it right. But at the same time, like the telemarketer in This American Life, I wonder about plan B. Is this really what God wants with us? To settle for something less than what we dreamed of doing?

I was wracking my brain trying to think of the classic plan B guy from the Bible. There's no question, it's Moses. I picture him sitting on a hill side in Sinai tending his father-in-law's sheep as a 40 year old, thinking "what in the heck happened?" Then a freaking burning bush gave him a new mission, one that had been in his head way back in Egypt, saving God's people. By this point, he didn't think he had anything close to what it took to lead those people. On the contrary, he had two things that would be invaluable. One, he knew the land. As a shepherd he knew everything about the whole area. Secondly, he knew how to rely on God. Moses probably thought he was finished, passed by by life. But God knew that he was finally ready to do what had been put before him.

Fear and the Way Forward

2008-12-11T15:00:00.000-08:00

Since Jeanette stopped working at the church when Erica was born, we have been searching for a new church to attend. I guess, theoretically, we could go to FHBC, but I don't think it's really much of an option at this point for a number of reasons that this is neither the time nor the place to discuss. We have been visiting a local church called Grace.

The preacher is in the middle of a series on Exodus (I assume it's about Exodus because that's where we've been the last two Sundays that we attended.) This past Sunday, he preached from the passage about the parting of the Red Sea, and I did pretty much what I've done the other times I've visited which is zone out as I'm kinda underwhelmed by his rhetorical skill. He talked being the people of Israel being taken from fear to faith as they are standing there with an army ready to take them back to slavery on one hand and a sea ready to drown them if they stepped in on the other. The preacher said lots of things that usually get said when talking about fear and faith: how God orchestrates events to lead us to faith and that events show off what's really going on in our hearts.

It was about here that I realized that this sermon had something to say to me right where I live. I'm a thinker and as a thinker, I think and think and think and sometimes drive myself crazy with fear and worry. I think the current financial situation has made a nation of fearful people, fearful for our jobs, our future, our children's future, even the future of our society. Unfortunately, fear usually leads to poor decisions instead of good ones, whether rashly made decisions or one's clouded by our own poor judgement. Faith is the place that one can say, "No matter what direction the economy, both national and personal, may go, no matter the future, God is still in control and in Him I will place my trust."

Psalm 32:7- You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance."

It's funny. I think this was easier for me when I was single. Now, being married with a kid, I'm not just trusting God for me, but for Jeanette and Erica, too.
Another funny thing, I'm reading a book about the doctrine of predestination during my hiatus from school. I'm not sure what means for these thoughts, but I'll be interested to see if the author addresses this at all.

Our little girl...

2008-09-01T21:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm sure you've been waiting with baited breath for my first true post about fatherhood. So here goes. Let me say that it's a whole lot of work. But honestly, it hasn't been too bad. We stayed at the hospital until last Tuesday, so tomorrow will mark the first full week at home with Erica. The first night was rough, but since then after we put her down and she finally calms down she sleeps for up to four hours. I can't complain about that too much now can I?

It does feel good when people talk about how pretty she is. I mean, heck, after they say that they end up saying things like she looks like me. So either people are flattering us or I look pretty good!

I gotta say that Erica has quite a pair of lungs on her. When she gets upset she can really let people know about it. One funny thing is when she gets the hiccups. It's even funnier when she's crying and has the hiccups at the same time. I can't help but laugh as she's crying loudly and hiccuping.

This is not an authorization for a nickname by any means, but she is our little frog. First of all, her legs kick out alot like frog legs. But also, I don't know how many times we started to change her diaper and she starts to pee all over herself, the new diaper, the changing pad, and everything else.. She's like those toads and frogs we used to catch around our house growing up. We used to catch them all the time and if you held them too long, a stream of pee would come down you arm. That's all kinds of gross. I don't know what happened to all those toads. Maybe we hunted them to extinction around our house, or maybe I quit looking for them like I used to.

The cool thing about having a kid is seeing Jeanette in action. She is so gentle and kind with our daughter. She is really in her element. I've always known that Jeanette would be an excellent mother.

Sometimes I can't believe I'm actually a dad. Right now, it's around midnight and I waiting for Erica to wake up so I can take her to Jeanette who is sleeping and feed her. As I'm sitting here with the monitor on, I heard the sound of music from her room. Somehow she has hit the music player that's attached to her crib. I have to go and change her diaper and take her into Jeanette. Hopefully, she'll go to sleep after this. We'll see.

Welcome, Erica Jean

2008-08-24T11:43:00.000-07:00

She came Friday afternoon, 2:21 pm. She was 7 pounds, 9 ounces and 19 inches long. She's just the sweetest, most beautiful thing ever.
You can also see some pictures at http://gallery.me.com/rcjrmassey#100036

I'll post some more latter.

This is the First Day of the Rest of My Life

2008-08-17T06:48:00.000-07:00

When I was in the middle school, one of my teachers (I think it was my 7th grade English teacher Ms. Riettinger, but I'm not sure) has a poster on the wall with Garfield hanging from chains in a dungeon that said in big letters at the bottom, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." It took me a while to get it, but I eventually got it. Another way to put it is "What's past is prologue." But what it basically means is that the past is gone and the future is what is left.

Well, as I type this it's 12:05 on Friday, August 22, 2008, and today really is the first day of the rest of my life.

My parents are here and my sister is coming. I was watching the weather and it's supposed to be warm with possible showers. Olympic baseball is on while the local news is going in between Olympic coverage and I can't sleep. It reminds me of when I was a kid and it was the night before Christmas when all through the house, the only I know of stirring was me. The last few weeks have been long and the wait seemingly forever, but the day has finally arrived and in about 14 hours so will my daughter. From this day forward, everything changes completely.

Man, am I nervous.

Menin Kazakhstanum

2008-08-13T21:47:00.001-07:00

I get alot of comments about my profile picture on Facebook and here on Blogger. It's me standing in an outhouse do exactly what you might be guessing. I obviously didn't take the picture, nor did I ask for it to be taken, but, being the guy that I am, I find it hilarious. My wife generally rolls her eyes at me.

Anyway, I was in Kazakhstan when that picture was taken. If you know me for very long, you find out pretty quickly that I lived in Kazakhstan for two years. I also visited there before and after that two year term. I was there teaching English, among other things and had a blast. It was a great experience and I have more stories from that trip than I can really explain in this little post, but I'll give you a taste: ate a sheep's eyeball, was a victim of police brutality, took a nap at some guy's house I had just met in a city where I knew nobody else, blew out the match of a mad drunk guy who tried to smoke in the only place in all Kazakhstan where you can't smoke, experienced two -40 degree winters, was on TV because I was an American learning the Kazakh language, rode a bus for 36 hrs, and was in a car that ran off the road out in the middle of NOWHERE in the coldest part of winter! That's just a glimpse of my experiences there.

Today broke out my Kazakhstan music CD that I picked up while I was there. I tried to remember some the Kazakh language I learned. Ran the names of my Kazakh friends through my head, most of whom I haven't been in touch with since I was there. I sent an e-mail to one of American friends who still lives there to let him know that I remembered him and the others who are there. I yarped for all those closest in my heart. Every once in a while, I'll do this. And it makes me wish that I was there again. Sipping tea and, at this time of year, eating watermelon. Chatting with friends and listening to music. Walking the tree lined street and trying to come up something to teach my students. Learning new Kazakh words, trying to wedge them into conversations with real Kazakhs, and being bragged over by one of the apais saying I speak Kazakh better than her own son. I want to go back so badly.

A Letter to My Daughter

2008-07-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

Saturday, July 19, 2008, 11:50 PM
Dear ________,

I got this idea from another blog that I read sometimes. It’s a little weird to write a letter to someone who isn’t here. Well, you’re “here”, but not here. I mean, when are you ever going to read this? And does posting it on a blog negate the sweetness or the sensitivity that I want to try and convey in this? Probably, but I’m going to write it and post it anyway.

Your mother and I have waited a long time to see you. And not just in the whole almost eight months of your gestation. Four prior, um, attempts(?) and a lot of heart break for your two parents means that you’re coming in with a little bit of pressure. I feel kinda bad for you. I hope it’s not more than you can take. We’ll try not to expect too much from you. I mean, you’re only human. And so is your mom and dad. People have asked me if I’m ready to be a dad. I tell them our first try was almost 5 years ago and I guess I was ready then, so I’m as ready now as I’ll ever be. I think I’m not completely ready because from what I understand the change is my life will be so drastic that I wouldn’t believe it. But with only one month (at the absolute most) to go, we are ready, I guess.

Your room is all ready to go. It’s painted a nice shade of green with pink accents. Your mother loves pink. I hope you don’t grow to hate it. You see, there’s a lot of things we hope. We hope you’re healthy. We hope your arrival comes with a minimum of trauma to you and your mom. We hope you grow and become big and strong and wise and happy. Your mom is great. She’s going to be an awesome mom. She loves you so much. She had to get shots twice a day since the day we found out about you all the way back in December. (Hopefully we won’t hold that over your head.) Your dad loves you too. That’s about the only promise I can make to you. I will do everything I can to make sure that you are safe, healthy, happy and, above all else, loved. Sometimes it hard to show that. I’m probably going to worry alot. Heck, you aren’t even here yet, and I worry. I worry about the future. I worry about you and your mom. I worry about am I going to be a good dad. Am I going to be able to take care of you? Am I going to drive you crazy by worrying to much? Probably. You’ll just have to forgive me. More than anything, I hope that one day when Jesus calls your name, you’ll hear Him and come to Him, and that, somehow, my love for you will have been a picture of His love for you.

You are a special girl who is already loved by lots and lots of people. I can’t wait to meet you.

Love, your dad.

PS. You may have noticed the blank where your name should be. You already have a name, but we aren’t giving it away yet.

Gay or not Gay?

2008-07-13T20:25:00.000-07:00

My favorite radio station is Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket. I listen to it over the internet at work and one of my favorites is Bad Radio's gay/ not gay, usually Tuesdays at one. In fact, Jeanette and I will listen to it whenever it makes the Ticket podcasts. People will send in questions about circumstances or something that was said and ask if it was gay or not gay. Actually, the guys from Bad radio call just about everything gay. I guess if there is a question at all, it's probably gay. I have a gay/ not gay that I'm thinking of sending in, but decided to post it here first. Jeanette wanted to me note that what she finds so funny about it is the fear guys have of being perceived at "girly" or weak.

Over the 4th of July weekend, I was in Texas to visit family, have a baby shower with my family, and celebrate my mother's 60th birthday. Whenever I'm in Texas, I usually go to a Ranger game (you can read my musings on the Rangers at my other blog 110 percent), but through a terrible lack of foresight on the Rangers' part they were out of town so I went to my first Frisco Roughriders' game at Dr. Pepper Ballpark. BTW, beautiful ballpark. I went with my good friend Dan. He and I like to get together and talk sports. Mostly, we like to figure who is a spare and who isn't. The classic spare is Doug Jones and his 76 mph fastball that we saw at a Rangers game one year. Anyway, we left the game and he drove me over to my car, he gave me the baby gift that he and his wife Sharon had bought for us. So here is where the question comes in: Sitting in his car in the parking lot, I open the gift bag. It has a rattle, a wrap around towel, and some other things that they really like with their son, Aiden. As I'm sitting there, opening up the gift, I start to wonder. Is this gay? We are having a girl, so the bag and most of the things in the bag are pink. And of course, they are all baby things. On the other hand, Dan's wife obviously bought all the stuff and wrote on the card. In fact, Dan didn't even sign his name himself, his wife did. So there is my question. Is opening a baby gift with your friend in the car gay?

A letter to my nephew

2008-06-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

My nephew and his looney hair turned 13 next week. My sister in law asked that some men in his life write him a letter and, as his uncle, I was one of the esteemed men to write a letter to him that she was going to bind together and give to him. Here is the letter.

Dear Daniel,

So your mom asked us to write you these letters about what it means to be man as you run head long into adolescence. It’s quite a task and one I’ve put off for a few days. I’ve ran different ideas of what to say, but haven’t actually put to paper my thoughts until now. In fact, my thoughts were a lot clearer before I started to type here right now, but deadlines always seem to get me going and your mom wants this today so here goes.

The question you may be asking yourself is what does it mean to be man? (Maybe you’re not, but go with me, here.) If you look at the media, you know, TV, movies, commercials, most popular music, being a man means being an oafish, lazy guy who always follows his baser desires for things like beer and sex, usually doing anything possible to ignore work and family. Either that or men are crazy with anger and hatred who push everyone away on the misguided belief that they shouldn’t show things like love and kindness. The world today has pretty low view of men, and there’s not much we can do about that. Except live our lives in a way that is different from the prevailing view of masculinity.

A real man is a man who works hard at his job, supports his family, both financially and emotionally, loves his wife with all his heart, and raises his kids with a loving hand. As a brand new teenager, you’re still a long way from some of these things. However, the decisions you make over the next 5 or 10 years will shape the rest of your life for better or for worse. Decide now to make education and hard work a priority. Decide now to have good friends who encourage you in the right ways than the wrong ways. Decide now to honor your parents. Decide now to keep your ego and anger in check. Decide now to delay emotional and sexual gratification until the right time. Decide now to make Jesus Christ first in your life. But it’s not enough to decide once and then go one. You must decide every single day. And when failure comes, and it definitely will, get up dust yourself off and keep going.

Daniel, you have a bright future ahead of you. I pray that as you move into this time of great change, you’ll always be focused on Jesus.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:10-13
Sincerely,
Russell

Retirement?

2008-06-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

I've played baseball/ softball since I was 5. My first baseball experience was t-ball Barney's Auto Supply with Lewisville Little League. We won the league championship that year, but since then I've mostly played on losers. I went from being a short stop and first baseman to outfield most of my little league career which ended after my freshman year in high school.

I took up intramural softball after that in college and played all four years with the Theta team. The best team I played on was in my freshman year where we lost in the semifinals to the team that eventually won. I started off playing 2nd, but a member of the frat decided he wanted to be 2nd base so I moved to the position I eventually stayed at, catcher. One of my best softball moments came in that semifinals game that I hit a triple (I promise I'm not lying. I honestly hit a triple. Actually I hit two that year.) and knocked the go ahead runs in the top of the last inning. In the bottom of that inning, the guy who took over 2nd booted a ball that would have been the third out and we lost. I was sure I would have made that play.

I took up playing church league softball during my college years and played with Elmcrest, playing mostly in the outfield. I took a couple of years off when I moved to Kazakhstan. I wasn't even smart enough to take a glove with me. When I got back my friends and I formed another church league team at FBC Lewisville. We were one of the worst teams ever put together. But I remember beating a team that I can't remember the name, but they were big time almost pro softball players and we beat them one time. They were so mad. The next game we played, they run ruled us.

I've been playing the last three years since we moved to Nashville with Forest Hills. I played a little first base, a little 2nd base when we've been desperate, but mostly I've been at catcher. I settled at catcher, because no one else has ever wanted to be catcher. I knew that I would be able to play consistently. I also was able to see the whole field and be what I'm really probably best at, which is coaching and trying to direct the defense. I had a umpire tell me last year that I was a very intelligent player.

As this year has winded down, I've come to wonder if this should be my last year playing softball. There have been a couple of things that pushed me in that direction. First of all, I hurt my back a couple weeks ago and had to miss a game. I think I pulled a muscle when I went down into the catchers crouch. I tried and tried to stretch it out, but I couldn't. I played the game and even tagged a guy out at home, but I couldn't hardly swing the bat and since we had enough players, I decided to go home instead of playing the 2nd game. I was able to play the next game, but it made me nervous. I've had injuries before, mostly to my ankles as I've sprained both of them. But never had I done anything like this.

Also, I seem to have lost the ability to hit the ball. Since I took up softball in college, I've been a good hitter or at least I've been consistent. I mentioned the triples I hit college. Really there was no wall down in left field so I basically hit it a long way and out ran the outfielders. If I had had any speed, I would have scored. Now I can't hit it very far. Another skill I had for years was to be able to hit the other way and hit it hard. I had a number of doubles going that way back then. Well, not enough. I was too afraid to even try to go that way even though I remember basically how to do it. But above all, I just hit the ball solidly just about every time I got up. Now I'm having a harder and harder time to get good hits on the ball. I've done ok, but sometimes I wonder if I actually help the team.

Finally, although I'm still one of the few who want to play catcher. I'm basically limited to that position. I played a game at 1st early in the year and did fine, but I definitely can't play the outfield or middle infield. I'm stuck. I don't like being a one position player.

So should I give it up? Nah. I mean, I may not being a place where I can play next year. If I'm at FH and they want me to play. I'll play. I have fun with the guys and while we aren't any good (as usual for me), it's still fun.

Happy Father's Day

2008-06-15T12:39:00.000-07:00

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
-- Mark Twain

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

LOST gives me a headache

2008-05-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

I am a LOST fanatic. I read the blogs, talk about it with my friends, and try to get my head around the craziness that is LOST. As I read the blogs, I realize that either I'm not smart enough or I don't care enough to really understand what in the world is really going on. I mean theories about time travel and philosophy and all that stuff gives me a headache. Here are my impressions of the season finale. If you haven't seen it and read this blog then you probably won't see it so you won't care about any spoilers.

First, let me tell you how I got to see it last night. I had a presentation in Cookeville at 6:00. Cookeville is about 85 miles away and I finished my presentation at 6:40. Let's just say that I drove with haste. When I got home I had to give Jeanette her heparin shot and I sat down to watch on the couch right at 8:00 as the "Previously on LOST" began. Perfect timing.

The storytelling is awesome. A common complaint is that as answer one or two questions, they ask 5 or 6 more, but since the meandering 2nd season, they've really gotten into the business of tell one heck of a story. Even putting aside the whole moving the island stuff and other logic suspending requirements, the drama and action can't be beat. I think the best thing for the show is that there is a conclusion in sight. Instead of working in an unstructured nebulous blob, there are boundaries in the storytelling. A structure will do wonders for lots of things.

At this point, as I'm watching the show, I'm trying to catch the little easter eggs that get thrown in there. When they mentioned Jeremy Bentham as the dead guy in the coffin, I wikipediaed (is that even a word?) it and I'm annoyed with myself that I didn't read it close enough to realize that it HAD to be Locke. (Bentham was a 19th century English philospher and educator who was greatly influenced by 17th century English philosopher John Locke). In fact, I guessed that it was Desmond and it took me a minute to realize it was actually Locke. He didn't look like himself. Incidently, what obscure philosopher/ theologian/ economist/ scientist are they going to reference in the next two seasons? I'm holding out hope for Schopenhauer. I also caught the octagon global recruiting ad and tried to find it, but apparently every else watching it caught it too and the website was down.

The loose ends are tremendous and I can't wait to see how they work it out. What happened to the people on the island that aren't a part of the others- Sawyer, Juliet, Charlotte, etc. What about the folks in the motor boat? I did notice that it was only a bunch of spares who got in the boat with Daniel so if his role is down, it wouldn't be a big loss for them to kill off that group. But Daniel being on it makes their fate a little more questionable. What is Claire's role in all this? Why is "the island" trying to get everyone back, but seems to be pushing Kate away?

So Michael's dead. Jin's dead (we assume). Locke's dead. I thought Christian showing up to send Michael into the next plane was a good touch. Too bad for Jin that he didn't get such as gentle departure.

I'm supremely annoyed that we don't get to watch it again until January when I'll have a 5 month old who will probably not let me stop down for an hour of LOST on Thursday's, but I wouldn't miss it. Even with the headaches.

The Little League Softball Team

2008-05-28T20:36:00.000-07:00

I play in my church's softball team. I usually play catcher because I'm the only one who really wants to play there and I am a tremendous liability in just about any other position except the bench. I enjoy playing although I'm not really good anymore. The guys on the team are cool, and, though we aren't very good, we generally have a good time. It's a double header church league so we usually get to avoid the beer addled softball psychos you can get in a city league. But last week was a experience that I've never had in all my years of playing city or church league softball.

One of the teams (that may be a bunch of heretics) brought out about 50 members of the church for what looked like a church picnic and they got into the game like crazy people. They cheered their team like they were at a little league game and they were over bearing parents with stars in their eyes thinking their little boys were going to bring them millions from the big leagues. I gotta tell you, it was annoying. When one of them hit a home run, they cheered like it was ninth inning of the World Series. Most teams have a couple of their wives who come out and spend the whole time chatting, ignoring the game, and chasing their kids. But these people were nuts. I had never seen anything like it.

Maybe the part that was most annoying is that they beat the living the crap out of us in both games. Also, I took a pitched ball of my bottom lip and I spat out blood for about four innings, but did I come out? NO! I fought through it! Of course we didn't have any bench players that day so if we wanted to play the game I had to sit out there for the rest of both games.

Living in the Past, Looking to the Future, Forgetting where we are

2008-05-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

I know it's been over almost a year and a half since my last post. My own sister has inspired me to started writing again and you can visit her blog here.

Anyway, this isn't going to be just a place for me to complain about stupid stuff as I originally intended, but just a chance to write about what i want to write about. Some spiritual, some work related, some school related, some just random stuff that I find amusing. Just no sports stuff. You can find my random musings on sports at 110 percent.

I was reading a blog about living in the moment today and it really struck me. He basically said that we mostly dwell on the past or the future and rarely live in the moment. I think that this is my problem. I just sorta survive from one day to the next, spending alot of deep thoughts on the past (missed opportunities, mistakes, sins, successes, fun stuff that's long gone, woulda, coulda, shouldas) and on the future (what I want to be doing, what I ought to be doing, who will be with me). I think it's simply easier to do that.

The past is easy but it encourages lazy thinking. What's done is done and there is nothing you can do about it. I majored in communication in college and enjoyed it at the time, but in light my current studies in marriage and family therapy, perhaps I would have been better off majoring in psychology, or even done what my parents wanted and majored in education. But it's useless to retreat back there. I did what I did and it affects who I am today.

The future represents the hopes that whatever is happening now can get better. I can be a better husband. I can get back involved in what God is doing in my area. My still unborn baby girl can have a happy, secure life, knowing her daddy loves her and will take care of her as best as he can. Then it'll all come together.

The fact of the matter is that life is one struggle to the next. As I said, I usually just try to survive from day to day, making the best of whatever situations come my way. A wise man once said that life is what happens to you while your making plans. Life is in the now. The past is gone and the future isn't promised.

The response

2006-12-02T22:05:00.000-08:00

The real reason for writing this blog is to help me work out what it means to be a Christian in the "real world." (Though I think we could argue that we are really living in the Shadowlands of the real world, that is, life in concert with God in all things that His people will experience on the other side.) Be that as it may, we are living in world that is disconnected from God in more ways than we can count. The issue is how does being a follower of God translate in this life. Is there really a difference between believers and non-believers? What are the things that should differentiate us? How do we respond when faced with difficulties, such as loss or injustice? How is our "light," as Jesus called it, supposed to shine through?
You probably heard about the shooting of man by police outside a club in New York City and the accusations of racism and excessive violence against those officers who took part in that confrontation. The shooting took place very close to our church, New Hope Christian, and literally within blocks of our close friends' home. Naturally, this event has effected that small church in very real ways. I wanted to post the letter the pastor of that church, Tom Richter, sent to his people. I think the insight is astouding and speaks to the issue of how do we live in the world as believers in Jesus.

I believe we have seen only the beginning of a story that began in the
early morning hours of Saturday November 25th. Shock, outrage, pain,
grief, and anger will weigh upon many of our friends, neighbors, and
fellow believers. In such a time as this, New Hope has a chance to
provide (as her namesake suggests) hope in the wake of death.

Collectively as a church and individually as followers of Jesus, we
are often called upon in the highest and lowest points of human
experience. At birth babies are dedicated, at marriage two become one
before God and the congregation, and at death even halfhearted
believers seek a religious ceremony for their loved one. People turn
to the church in part because the church stands for something eternal,
or Someone rather. And that Someone is not far off, but here among
us, and will do a good work—using the church to accomplish reconciliation.

So what can we do?

1. Pray.
Pray for comfort for Sean Bell's family, pray for his fiancé, pray for
a full recovery of those injured. Pray specifically for justice, then
peace. Pray for our NYC officials to do justly, and ask God to give
them the wisdom to decide justice and courage to enact justice. Pray
for those who accuse the NYPD, pray they too would have wisdom and
courage to fight injustice. Pray that God would foil the misguided
plans of those who would do more violence in response.

2. Say less than you think.
One thing that shocked me that should not have is how quickly opinions
were formed. Immediately, "person on the street interviews," abounded
on news programs. In each interview, those who defended the police
and those who accused the police were both guilty of letting prejudice
replace evidence. With no evidence, no documented account of what
happened, and an investigation pending, what exactly is left to form
an opinion on? Past experience. Those who feel the police have been
oppressive, racist, and belligerent in the past are voicing one
opinion. Those who feel police have been good, capable, and fair in
the past are voicing another. The key phrase in both sides is "in the
past." The problem is that this case is in the present. The solution
is to say less than you think until your opinions begin with something
other than, "Well, in my own experience.. .." When they look back,
rarely do people regret saying less and praying more.

3. Promote life everywhere you can.
Life is precious. Our lives, every human life, is given meaning,
worth, purpose, and value by the creator, God. One under-reported
angle to this tragedy is that it happened just outside a strip club—a
strip club that before opening fought fierce neighborhood protest.
And the problem with a strip club is that it devalues life. At a
strip club a woman, created in the image of God, descends in the minds
of men from being a person to being an object. Lust turns a She into
an It. Life is devalued. I'm not saying going to a strip club is the
same as murder, but to me the connection is plain. When human life is
treated as worthless on a smoky stage, why such shock at a gun fight?
We reap only what we've sown. It doesn't matter what form this
culture of death, headed by her prince Satan, takes—we as believers
must fight it. From abortion to violent video games, from terrorism
to cursing the driver in front of you, from strip clubs to murder,
fight for a culture of life.

Several of our own New Hopers live blocks away from this story, and
their lives are a lighthouse to illuminate the community with the good
news of the gospel. Gather around them in prayer and support, and we
will reap life as it is sown by these saints.

With love,
Tom

Me and Ted

2006-11-10T22:27:00.000-08:00

I don't know much about Ted Haggard. I only heard of him through a few Christianity Today articles I read about him. Actually, I didn't read the articles that closely. I only knew that he was head of some evangelical group that was fairly large and held a good bit of political power. I knew that he had had some contact with President Bush and other political figures, so he was conservative socially.

When I read on Drudge report that a prominant evangelical leader had been accused of sexual misconduct, I assumed it was probably sexual harrasment of female co-worker or perhaps he'd had an affair. I was shocked when I learned the details of the misconduct. They are fairly well-known so I won't go into them.

My first reactions were pretty common ones, I expect. I basically said what hubris he must have had to think that he can get away with something like that. I wasn't suprised because as the adage goes, power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. When one deals in power, he may consider himself above the law. If you think you stand, be careful, you might fall soon. I also thought well, no wonder he came out so strong in certain moral issues. Perhaps he was attacking the sin in his life that he recognized, but couldn't or wouldn't address. I also thought the sharks are gonna come out for this. A preacher speaks out against moral decay and ends up in the middle of it. That's juicy stuff.

The thing is, I was just like those sharks. A man, and Ted Haggard is, above all other things, a man, had fallen, hard. His reckless decision had just destroyed his wife. He had children, who are no doubt crushed. They will carry the scars for a long time, probably forever. He was a friend to some and a pastor to others. Not only was he hurting, but those around him were devestated. And instead of coming along side him and given him a cool drink of water, I had spit in his face.

The second thing is that, the road he walked down is not far from the road I walk down. Inside us all, even those who have received Jesus and are walking his path, there is that old man who won't die. Paul called it the flesh. Another author I read called it an assassin, waiting to kill us. Whatever you call it, I am not any different than Ted Haggard.

I'm glad that God reminded me to pray for Ted Haggard.

freederekwebb.com

2006-08-27T18:31:00.000-07:00

Derek Webb is one of my favorites. A former member of Caedmon's Call, I have just about everything he has put out. He's not very well known in church circles because he can be a bit caustic. He has called the church “weightless, like a leaf from the vine;” “this bastard child,” as listening to “salesemen and thieves,” and “drunk all the time.” In his new one, he critiques the church's love for wealth and poltical power. In other words, it's right up my alley. Well, for reasons known only to the Lord Himself, I have delayed getting his more recent CD called Mockingbird. Well, while I was wondering around last night, I found a website called freederekwebb.com. On this website, Derek says that he will putting out Mockingbird for free on download on September 1. I can promise you that I will there on Friday, downloading that CD. Relevant magazine gave a glowing review of Mockingbird and you can see it here. I would strongly encourage you to download and take time to listen to what he has to say.

Books to read

2006-08-23T21:08:00.000-07:00

Over the past several months, friends have recommended that I read a number of books. I am going to list them with the (more than likely vain) hope that this hold me accountable to actually reading them. When I complete them (in about a year or so) I will try to review them. Then you can know that I am actually reading books. Not just watching TV. These are in no particular order. Feel free to add books that you think I should read. (I have included links because I figured how to do it and I wanted to show off)

1. The Revolution: A Field Manual for Changing Your World, Heather Zydek, ed.

2. God's Politics: Why the Right Gets it Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get it, by Jim Wallis

3. Organic Church: Growing Faith Where Life Happens, by Neil Cole

4. SoulTsunami: Sink or Swim in the New Millennium Culture, by Leonard Sweet

Books that I have recently read that you should read:

1. A New Kind of Christian, by Brian McLaren
2. Searching for God Knows What, by Donald Miller
3. No Perfect People Allowed, by John Burke

Cowboys Preseason Thoughts

2006-08-15T19:18:00.000-07:00

It's Tuesday night. I'm watching the Astros are on WGN, listening to the Rangers are on the radio (thank God for the internet) and I'm writing about the Cowboys. How's that for a sports geek trifecta?

The Cowboys are thru one preason game which I watched on the NFL network. Alot is being written about TO and Tony Romo and I wanted to weigh in with my two cents about the 2006 season. I think it comes down to one thing, actually five things: the offensive line. It was the deciding factor of the 2005 season when they started out 7-3 and well on their way to the post season, then lost 4 of their last 6, chocking out of the playoffs and letting the Giants and Redskins in. But instead of seriously addressing the offensive line, they go in with more questions. I think the season rests on the performance of the offensive line. If they play well, the cowboys have a chance at the Super Bowl, if not they can be 5-11, ok, 7-9.

Each of the offensive linemen have questions. Let's take a look:
Tackles:
1. Flozell Adams is coming off major knee problems. When he went down last year the Boys had two matadors at the tackles spots (Torrin Tucker and Rob Petitti (more on him later) and Drew Bledsoe got killed. The news on him from camp is encouraging, but bad knees are tough to come back from. If he can get it back to '03 and '04 ProBowl form, then great. If not, expect Bledsoe to run for his life (or stand their like a statue and get killed).
2. Rob Pettiti was the aformentioned matador that got Bledsoe killed in the later part of the season. He was a rookie 6th round pick who should have been sitting on the Bench, but when Jacob Rogers wussed out he was thrust in there. Again, the vibes out of camp this year are good, but he is still a question mark against Strahan, Kearse and every other speek rusher in the league.
3. Mark Colombo was a 1st round bust for Chicago and now he's supposed to be a top back up or maybe even a starter? I'm nervous.
4. Pat Mcquistin and Jason Fabini are on opposite sides. The former is a rookie 7th round pick. He may have talent, but he better watch this year or else the season has good horribly wrong. Fabini is a nine year vet who has struggled with injuries the last couple of years. He may not even make the team.
Gaurds:
1. Marco Rivera was a big disappointment last year as a big free agent signing. He struggled with injuries to his back and was a never a force. Maybe this year will be different, but we'll see.
2. Kyle Kosier is this years big free agent signing replacing Larry Allen who is plying his trade in San Fran. He won't be the steam roller Allen was, but Kosier is more athletic. However, last year he got benched by Detroit. Again, not much to get excited about.
3. Backups: a gaggle of spares led by Cory Proctor and Stephen Peterman (a former 3rd round pick).
Centers:
1. Andre Gurode was the back up last year and I didn't even think they would bring him back, but they did. He's much bigger and more athletic then the other center on the team, but he's evidently dumb as a stump, missing assignments, etc. They say that Parcells will start him until he starts blowing plays.
2. Al Johnson is decent center, but he's smaller than I am and gets pushed around by larger DTs.

In other words, 9 players (not counting the round spares backing up at gaurd) and 9 question marks. I can't imagine all nine coming up positive. I was shocked when the Cowboys selected a back up tight end in the second instead of an offensive lineman. Then a defensive end instead of an offensive lineman. I guess when you look back at their recent history taking OLs early (Jacob Rogers-2nd, Stephen Peterman-3rd, Al Johnson-2nd), maybe they shouldn't have picked one.

To me everything else looks good. There are questions at free saftey and there's a lack of depth at WR (and now injury questions with TO, Terry Glen, and Patrick Crayton). But the big question mark is the offensive line. As the line goes, so goes the season.

Is society better off without God?

2006-08-12T20:07:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, a guy filling in our pulpit preached about Christianity and culture. He referenced a study (or article) which basically said that the more religious a society the worse off it is. (I don't have the link, but I'll try to find it and post it) I had a number of questions about this study. FIrst of all, how do one quantify something like this? It's supposedly a study, but can you actually show me numbers which say something about this?

But the bigger question to me is how should Christians respond to this news. Cynically, I think most Christians probably thought the way our preacher thought about it: this is just another proof of the blantant opposition of society to God and faith and religion.

Let me propose another way. Perhaps the reason society is so opposed to God is that they can't see God for all the crap the church throws out there. Maybe they are reacting against rich Christian who care more about their own comfort than the poor? How about the fact that the evangelical church was almost universally behind in the Civil Rights Movement? Those who use the Bible to justify the death penalty? Pro-life people who believe it's ok to murder abortionists? Those who think that the Republican Party is God's party?

The local church can't affect the society wide perception of Christianity, but they can change the way individual people by taking care of the poor, the disaffected, the needy in our area.

I hope to get a Cowboys preview up here in the next couple of days. As a die hard Cowboys fan, you can guess that I expect the Super Bowl.

I believe in evolution

2006-07-23T20:34:00.000-07:00

Last week, Jeanette and I went to a parents training about culture and the leaders made a comment about evolution and about how they tell their kids that evolution cannot be true, calling into question carbon dating. Evidently, the idea of evolution is anti-Christian.
I read an article in Time the other day about a geneticist who is also an evangelical Christian saying that the evidence in favor of evolution is so overwhelming that to deny it is to commit intellectual suicide. In fact, he made the comment that to rely on the holes in evolution to be proof of it's falseness is foolish because theoretically those holes could be closed soon as well.
Am I the only one who isn't a famous geneticist who isn't bothered by the possibility that God might have used evolution to create the earth populate it with all forms of plants and animals? It doesn't destroy my faith that God may have taken longer than a literal six days to create the whole entire universe (1st, there was no sun for, what, the first three days so how can there be a day?, 2nd, even to say that it took a whole day for God to create say, the animals in the sea, would be shortchanging God's power).
Maybe Genesis 1-3 isn't meant to be read as science or history, but as a story about how God created a perfect world, populated it with beings made in His own image so that He could have a love relationship with them, but they screwed it up, but He then started to make a way to restore that love relationship. If this is the case, then maybe, how exactly He decided to do all this doesn't matter, but that He did all it.

Sage advise

2006-07-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

Parental advisory: Adult langauge. If you're offended by bad words, don't look at this link.

I think the church would do well to follow this advice.

10 hours from Nashville to Brentwood

2006-07-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

Not a good start to the blog action. Got a couple of days of posting and then nothing for two weeks. Way to go, rus.

I spoke with a staff member of my church tonight about local missions. His question is an interesting one. Why will a church pay hundreds of dollars to fly around the world and do missions to people around the world and not reach out to the community around them. His idea was to have people give $2500, drive out to the airport, fly around for ten hours, land, take the rattiest bus, stay in the rattiest hotel and reach out the strange natives of Brentwood. We speak the same language so the cross cultural aspect would be lessened. As I thought about it and as we discussed it, I got to thinking that it requires a change of mindset. We cannot guess that missions is something that only happens in far away lands with far away people who don't speak the same language and that we'll never see again. Perhaps that is the allure: that you'll never see that person again. The social risk is minimized if are "stooping" to help someone who is "disadvantaged." Our community is not "disadvantaged" in the traditional sense. However, I think if we did the work, we would see that the community is searching for community. Suburban isolation has insulated us from others. If we can show them that there is a community of truly loving people. Unfortunately, I think my church has fallen victim to the suburbanization of the church. It's a group of mostly similar good attractive people who think Jesus is nice. It's easy to talk about somebody else's problem, but real community eludes us. If community happened, I think the community would be attracted.
It seems to me that the milleu of the church must be changed to be able to really reach out and accept those who are different: other races, the poor, liberals, homosexuals, even ugly people (although I seem to have fit in just fine), just to name a few.

1st relgion/politics blog

2006-06-29T19:42:00.000-07:00

1st relgion/politics blog
I've been thinking over the last few weeks about the war in Iraq, in fact not just Iraq, but wars in general. How should I feel about it? On one hand, I want to support America, our government, the troops, etc. I understand that people are worried about terrorism and security is very important to these folks.

Which causes a bit of a digression. How did America become the extension of the kingdom of God on earth? It's not and it never has been. Jesus called us to citizenship in God's kingdom. If tomorrow America falls and we are ruled by "godless communists" or "heathen Muslims", then, God is still on His throne. If our top allegience is to God and his Lordship above all, then I think that changes alot of how we should look at the world. It's not "America, right or wrong!!" I think we are called to be agents of God's kingdom, bringing more people into His Lordship. Helping them experience the peace and joy or serving a kingdom not of this world. I think the church's forrays into politics have more or less been a disaster because we have been more interested in denying rights to those on the outside (in the past, minorities, not homosexuals) than extending God's grace to those in need. We are more interested in ending abortion than reaching out to those victimized by it. And I'm sorry, but the republican party is not Jesus's party. (Neither is the democratic party, but that's and arguement for another time.) I believe that if the church was doing what it was supposed to be doing, we wouldn't have time worry about politics stuff.

Ok, I got away from war, but I need to shower and get ready for bed.

Mavericks Draft

2006-06-29T19:16:00.000-07:00

So instead of working on my Bible Study last night, I listened to the NBA draft. The Mavs did exactly what I expected: take a seasoned big guard who has a chance to actually play defense. Maurice Ager is a 6-6 guard from Michigan State. Everyone I've read has said that this was really good pick, even a steal. In fact, somebody said that he would be a Kobe-, Dewayne-, Manu-stopper.

http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/5740966

Whoa. Hold on a second. Let's let the guy get signed, play in the summer league, ride the bench for a year or so before we go crazy about this. I trust the braintrust (Little Whistle, AJ, etc). I mean they picked up Josh Howard in a similar circumstance. Late 1st, experienced college guy, athletic, etc. I think they were looking for parts the puzzle. Good draft I say. Whoppee!

FOCUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-06-28T17:16:00.000-07:00

Why is it that I can't focus on anything? Maybe I should change that to anything "meaningful." I have a Bible Study to teach on Sunday and I am completely unable to focus on it. I am too busy listening to and paying attention to the NBA draft. Why is this? Do the Mavs have a pick at the top of draft? No. They have the 28th. While they got Josh Howard at 29 a few years ago, I don't expect lighting to strike twice.

But this is the greatness of the internet. I'm able to listen to the Tickets coverage all the way here in Nashville.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!!!!

Focus. You got a Bible study to prepare. Maybe you can turn the radio off. Maybe later

Central Asia pic

2006-06-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

I wanted to put this on here because I could put it up as a picture on my profile. No story. Just the picture.

We'll see how this goes

2006-06-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

Well, this is my first post in my new blog. Kind of underwelming. I'm not real sure if anyone is going to read this, but it's a good opportunity to rant and rave at someone besides my wife. I think she'll be pleased, if no one else really cares one way or the other what I think about anything.

Hopefully, this will become a place for me to work through thoughts about things. What do I care about? Well, Jesus, Central Asia, sports, etc. But I'll rant about anything. I can be very random at times.

I can see a good bit of hubris in all this, mixed with dash of showing off. I mean, first of all, thinking that anything that I have to say is worth being published takes a good bit of personal self assurance, which has never been a strong suit of mine. But also, how honest will I be? I don't want to be branded a heretic (again assuming some actually reads this garbage), but working through these things will probably be theraputic

We'll see I guess.